BREAKING NEWS!
Corporate Deserter!
7:45 AM The residents of 99 Percent Woods, a lovely community, woke up this morning unsuspected of the catastrophic news would change the life as they knew it. While they were going about their morning business, the local newspaper courier was making his rounds with the daily update from “The Chirp”, causing mass panic, traffic congestion, and increased sales of anti-depressants in his wake.
The Chirp revealed the announcement from the only enterprise of this community, owned and operated by the wealthy and resented by all Mr. Ant, who allegedly decided to shut his enterprise and all related facilities with the purpose of relocating them to a rival community of Chinmexindigapur!
“This is an outrage!” screamed Mrs. Bacon as she almost choked on her breakfast when she heard the news. “Mr. Ant has been THE ONLY taxpayer in our community! This great honor, this EXCLUSIVITY, has been graciously granted to him by our council members and residents! He can’t just decide to quit!”
The Chirp obtained an interview from Mr. Ant to get his view on the issue: “The idea to relocate came years ago when the political winds changed adding many new taxpayer sponsored social programs. But as a dedicated member of the community, he could not conceive he would ever abandon the folk in need. “If only I worked a little harder, switched to a cloud-powered wheelbarrow, hired more management consultants. Maybe then I could have pulled this together and saved the enterprise”.
Apparently, the proverbial “stick that broke ant’s back”, came earlier this week, when the 99 Percent Woods Council approved a new law. Known as the bill “BS1000.” This put into effect a requirement that all community taxpayers submit, at least 365 days in advance, the PowerPoint presentation detailing all the planned actions and obtain action permits at a reasonable fee. The taxpayers who violate this would face hefty fines for their defiance.
The Council Member Mr. Zebra explained that deliberations surrounding the BS1000 were long and heated. The council faced a hard challenge to balance the budget while keeping several key programs in place.
For example, we considered abandoning the “Endless Days of the Holidays” season.
Mother Chicken, with tears in her eyes, said: “Corporation was trying to cut sponsorship to the public playground from unlimited to exuberant! Where will our children play? What are we? Animals?”
“Our Citizens would not stand for those reductions!” explained Mr. Low, another council member who participated in the discussion, “money for public programs had to be found somewhere.” The town follows fair, democratic principals, where all votes count. Mr. Ant had an opportunity to present his concerns and vote. However, with 6 votes For and 1 Against the BS1000 bill was passed into law! As we can all see his vote counted!”
Well, Mr. Ant certainly let the town down. The community blames him for neglecting to maintain proper enterprise. Public trust in him has been shattered. An investigation probe was launched into orbit, to determine what other shady decisions this gentleman made.
The fallout of this day is far from over. We will return to 99 Percent Woods and examine this thriving community and its life in the future.
PS. This post was written in response to the #500WED writing prompt:
Have you ever written a press release or an Associated Press type article? I want you to write an article about something that outrages you, and quote yourself in the article – in other words, as if a reporter interviewed you, but in this case, you are both reporter and interviewee. Here are a couple of examples: (warning: politics are mentioned in both of these, and in my piece, plenty of foul language): http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2014/02/press-release-blogger-loses-will-to.html http://uppercasewoman.com/2014/06/27/abortion-clinic-buffer-zone-decision-by-supreme-court-causes-blogger-to-lose-her-fucking-mind/
Have fun with it! You can make it funny or serious or silly.